Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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