oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
