you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
