I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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