Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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