He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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