i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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