he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
