What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize