Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
