oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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