Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Mom said you looked used
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
