I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
