Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
