and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
