I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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