2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
