And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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