Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
