I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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