Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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