Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
