I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
