Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this boner is exhausting
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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