i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
