i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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