You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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