There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
