Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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