can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
