I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
