and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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