At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
