I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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