He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize