Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
