I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
