And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
