Sry I called you an 8
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
