he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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