Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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