mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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