Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
