my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.