I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat