Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.

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  (303): Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe. http://tfl.nu/e8mh
  Replies (5) Good night (1318) Bad night (547)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again

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  (301): Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again http://tfl.nu/89sh
  Replies (29) Good night (1122) Bad night (2942)
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  (323): View more from California

  this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude

  (765): View more from Indiana

  call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

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  (323): this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude (765): call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing http://tfl.nu/wjo2
  Replies (41) Good night (1773) Bad night (3283)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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  (425): I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/ht79
  Replies (9) Good night (1232) Bad night (3740)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.

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  (918): Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building. http://tfl.nu/yoz8
  Replies (44) Good night (6145) Bad night (797)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  They have edible shot glasses at target.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  There really is a God.

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  (812): They have edible shot glasses at target. (1-812): There really is a God. http://tfl.nu/0gpe
  Replies (24) Good night (6082) Bad night (647)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.

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  (708): Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic. http://tfl.nu/b2ov
  Replies (15) Good night (1705) Bad night (5925)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though

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  (406): I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though http://tfl.nu/qgj2
  Replies (1) Good night (1669) Bad night (815)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.

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  (360): There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it. http://tfl.nu/jy69
  Replies (21) Good night (2247) Bad night (642)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.

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  (952): So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious (781): Oh my god you need to get off of facebook. http://tfl.nu/ws52
  Replies (10) Good night (3274) Bad night (1187)
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.

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  (707): Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready. http://tfl.nu/moy8
  Replies (13) Good night (1542) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.

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  (985): No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/hp4k
  Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar

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  (615): we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar http://tfl.nu/4o2z
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?

  (520): View more from Arizona

  No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas

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  (480): Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital? (520): No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas http://tfl.nu/4qq7
  Replies (1) Good night (882) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"

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  (801): You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?" http://tfl.nu/733m
  Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (198)

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