I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.