it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.