i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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