Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?