I need help removing her.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.