My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen