My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize