The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
