I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
