i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
