He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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