Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
