I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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