So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
