She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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