who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
