can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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