Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the day after is always just damage control
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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