my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
