On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
