i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
