Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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