never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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