nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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