Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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