now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
