She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
