My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
