I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
