she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
