bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
