Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
