kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
