uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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