drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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