So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
