my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
