Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
