it wasn't lemon gatorade
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
