i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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